Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
