Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
