Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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