I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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