i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
