Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
