She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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