I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
