I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
