I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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