I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
