Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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