Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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