Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
