I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Still dying that you shit outside
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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