I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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