I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
