I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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