I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
