the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
