No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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