what day is it and did you see me today?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
where are my eyebrows?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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