I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
