I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
