I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
