i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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