so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
