I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
