My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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