Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
