my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
