Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
