just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
