Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
