You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize