I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
