Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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