Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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