You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
