It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
