You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
