I will die if light touches me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
