You smell like stripper and shame
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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