dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
