too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
