brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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