i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
