This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We're too hungover to prance.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
