Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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