It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
