ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my fart just growled at me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
