I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
