Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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