Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
