Did you just see the Batmobile???
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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