we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
