Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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