take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
