Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
