i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
