She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My balls are so social today.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
