Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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