at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
