Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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