I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
