im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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