Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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