I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
MIDGETS
????
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
