yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
