Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
NoShamevember. You game?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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