You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
