They should really pass out barf bags in church
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
