Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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