I hate all girls vehemently.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
